I have a new school this term. I have inherited Yamato Elementary School from Stacia (and Heather before her). They haven’t said this in so many words, but I gather that they weren’t happy with her teaching methods - “fall” instead of autumn, “recess” instead of playtime, “footpath” instead of pavement, etc). No wonder the kids couldn’t understand a word I said when I arrived.It’s been a while since I’ve had to visit a new school, so I was a little nervous. At least this time I had some Japanese to help me get / scrape by. I got a very warm welcome from the staff, and the students were very curious as you might expect (you’ve got a new teacher and he also happens to be from a different planet – I’d be intrigued).
My first duty (as you’d expect on your first day at any place of work) was to watch a unicycle display in the sports hall. Unicycling is immensely popular among elementary school kids in Japan. So much so, that I think it must be government policy to make all children proficient unicyclists by the age of 12. I imagine that they discovered some deficient balance-related gene that exists amongst the Japanese and that this was the scientist’s recommendation for overcoming it. As a result, expect Japan to wow the world with their unicycling prowess soon. The money that Japan saves from having no army, they seem to have invested in unicycles. It’s keeping people in work I guess. Think of all the arms factories that must have seen the demand for their tanks and missiles drop so sharply.
Koizumi: “Ah. All that expensive machinery sitting idle…what should we do?”
Chief Scientist: “Hm, it’s certainly a problem…”
Koizumi: “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
Chief Scientist: “Hai! Have the factories make unicycles and then sell them to elementary schools!”
Koizumi: “Exactly! If they can build a tank and a cruise missile, then knocking out a unicycle or two shouldn’t be too much of a stretch!”
Chief Scientist: “Hai!”
Koizumi: “Chief Scientist-san - make it so!”
Chief Scientist: “Hai!”
I like many things about teaching elementary school, but there are also things I don’t like. One thing I like is that come lunchtime your day’s work is often done. Three or four classes in the morning, lunch and then the afternoon is yours for the head-in-hands desk napping. When I’m not napping, I usually study or write this.
It’s Wednesday today. It’s really hot and I’m sitting next to the window. After lunch I was sat at my desk letting my lunch settle. I’m sure you won’t blame me, but I started to feel a little heavy-eyed and actually fell asleep with my head in my hands. As I was knocking out the zzz’s, the other staff had gone off to start their afternoon lessons. I awoke to a lady shouting to get my attention from the staff room door. In my bleariness I managed to make out that she wanted me to follow her and that 1st grade were doing something. OK, I’ve not seen 1st grade yet at this new school, let’s go! I had never seen this lady before, but I’m new, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. We marched our way through the school. She kept chatting, in the way that only old Japanese people do. Then, it became unclear exactly who was following whom. There seemed to be a lot of checking with me about where we were going for someone who knew the school. After a little indecision and numerous, silent stairwell stand-offs, we arrived at the 1st grade room. The old lady I was “following” then sat down next to one of the kids. Turns out that today was “family comes to school day.” Parents and grandparents come to play with the kids and see what they get up to. I had been cajoled from my gentle slumber and thrown into a 1st grader class playing with ye olde toys such as the spinning top, juggling and bamboo helicopters. It got me points for enthusiasm from the first grade teacher, who was somewhat perplexed by my presence, and also from the O-baasan that I had followed through the school.
The day finished up with a concert for the old folks. There was some singing and music from the 6th grade and then some acapella from students at the local University. The later included a lot of beat-box. Whether it was aimed at the six-year-olds or the grannies, I don’t know…
Apologies for the gratuitous rice shot. It was included because it’s harvesting season here (and also because I wanted to use the word gratuitous).
