"If you go down to the woods today..."

The morning meeting is an important part of the Japanese working day. It doesn’t matter if you’re a government worker or pumping gas, you will have your morning choukai. It’s a way of making sure that everyone is starting the day on the same foot. It’s probably the most formal part of my day. We stand at our desks, turn to face the principal, vice-principal and the head teacher who sit at the head of the staff room and then bow deeply whilst bellowing out ohayou-gozaimasu (good morning). We then sit down and pretend to listen intently to each announcement.
I’m sure that the other teachers are actually listening. I have developed a Japanese filter, so my mind is able to wander to more pressing issues for the duration of the meeting. Did I put the milk back in the fridge? What’s for lunch? Are Rangers rubbish because I’m not in Scotland and will they get good again if I go back? I pick up 5–8% of what is being said, and only about 0.7% of that is of any relevance to me. My ears do prick up from time to time, however.
Today I heard the word kuma being repeated several times. Kuma means bear. I looked up and the vice-principal was holding a sheet of paper with an annotated diagram of a rather sinister looking bear (they always get a bad press). I felt that this was a topic worthy of further investigation. I asked Akatsuka-sensei what the deal was. Apparently bear sightings in nearby Myoko have spiked (spuk?) of late. There have been 19 bear sightings in the last month. Bears are unlikely to attack an adult, but they aren’t averse to taking a pop at an elementary school student if they are hungry (the bear, not the student).
The wife of the former principal of my school who retired this year (the principal, not his wife) was mauled whilst walking in the forest near her house. As a deterrent, students are advised to wear a bell on their school bags. The hope is that the ringing will reduce the chances of students happening upon a bear, startling it and thus provoking an attack (by the bear, not the student). My concern (as a freelance psychologist) is that the bears will start to associate the sound of the bells with an easy, bite sized snack.
Speaking of fast food (fast to eat that is, the students themselves are not especially fast), McDonald’s use the same slogan here as they use in other countries: “do, do, do, do, doo – I’m loving it!” However, because Japanese people can’t pronounce the letter’s l and v the slogan becomes: “do, do, do, do, doo – I’m rubbing it!” Quite what you’ll find at a Maccy-D’s in Japan, and how fast the service will be, I don’t know…